


Back to the Beginning and Start Again

by mochilou



Series: Only Human [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, Blind Date, But Jongho makes him feel better, Cigarettes, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Existential Crisis, Fluff and Angst, Infidelity, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Mentioned Choi San, Mentioned Kim Hongjoong, Mentioned Park Seonghwa, Prequel, References to Depression, Sad Ending, Sad and Sweet, Smoking, Until it didn't, Yeosang is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29799669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochilou/pseuds/mochilou
Summary: “The night is still burning, the sunlight reminds me how I’m here again. Back to the beginning and start again.”-Only Human, WAYVBefore the untimely break up of Yeosang and Jongho's 6 year relationship, there was real and genuine love between them. It just so happens to lead up to the sudden miscommunication and the exhaustion.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Series: Only Human [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190384
Kudos: 8





	Back to the Beginning and Start Again

**→ Spring of 2015,** **Seoulsiripdae-ro, Jeonnong-dong, Dongdaemun-gu, Seoul**

Yeosang jolted awake in the hard plastic seat of their classroom as the warning bell rang throughout the hall, signifying that he only had to endure 5 more minutes of his class before he could finally leave. He was feeling a little sluggish that morning since it was his first class and he has yet to have a fill of his caffeine. 

He woke up a little later than usual and he didn’t have the time to pick up a cup of coffee because if he were to be late, he wouldn’t be permitted inside the classroom and he couldn’t afford to miss a class. 

As he exits the classroom, he made sure to check his bag, making sure that he didn’t leave anything because his mind was a little scattered but in doing so, he feels another student bumped into him from behind and in turn, it caused Yeosang to stumble down into his knees, hissing a bit at how painful it was. 

His books had fallen down causing a loud noise to emanate in the semi-empty hall, he let out an exasperated sigh as he ended up slamming his bag aside, causing some of the students to look at him and murmur but none of them had lent a helping hand. 

He lets out a string of curse words before glaring at the people who were looking at him, as if to intimidate them and they immediately tore their eyes away from him, giving Yeosang the time to collect some of the handouts that had fallen. In the process of doing it, he sees a hand handing one of them to him, it must have been blown away by the gust of wind and he was unable to notice it.

“Are you alright?” 

The stranger’s voice was soft and it caused Yeosang to look up at him and he was met with a cherry-haired student with the kindest brown eyes that he has ever encountered. “Ah, yeah, I’m okay.” He lies as if to still keep his tough exterior up but he couldn’t really hide it when he got up, the pain from his knees getting to him and causing him to hiss before bending down again, trying to regain himself and willing himself to push through the pain.

“You’re really not, come here.” The redhead claims as he offers to help him up “Oh, thank you.” Yeosang was surprised and he tucked a lock of his long blonde hair behind his warm, getting a little annoyed as a lock of it had fallen over his eyes and it surely made the stranger laugh before he took a hair tie that was wrapped around his wrist and Yeosang looked at him weirdly. 

“A friend of mine has the same struggles so I always have one with me.” Yeosang just nods before he bunches half of his hair and twists it into a small bun. The latter had checked on him, gravitating towards his knees and there he saw the Rilakkuma band-aids covering the wounds on his knees, having worn a pair of ripped jeans.

Yeosang was about to say something but he ended up getting lead back inside the classroom, he didn't really question him as he was too enthralled at the stranger who had knelt down in front of him. 

“You’re bleeding, poor thing.” The blonde surely didn’t notice that until he peers over his band-aid covered knees, seeing how a bright red spot had spread on the middle of the band-adi, but it wasn’t only that since a few bits of blood had dripped aside because of the pressure that had been placed on them.

“So, tell me, what did you do to acquire such an injury?” He watches how he took out a first-aid kit from his bag and it made Yeosang scoff playfully, already assuming that he’s a med student from how he just so happens to have a hand-dandy kit in his bag. “Practicing your hospital etiquette, Cherry?” Yeosang chuckles, his smirk getting wiped away when the redhead carefully removes the adhesive patch, making sure that he doesn’t hurt him even more.

“You could say that I scraped my knees when I crawled out of hell.” He mused, he knew that it was rather corny but he couldn’t help but say it. The redhead looks up at him with a charming smile as he gets out an antibiotic ointment from his kit “I’d say that you injured yourself when you fell from heaven.”

It surely took Yeosang aback and in turn, he grew unsure of what he could say, feeling his cheeks burn a bit and he ends up taking a carton of cigarettes from the pocket of his bag “You know you can’t smoke in here, right?” He points out but Yeosang just smiles, putting the object in between his teeth to keep it there as he gets out his trusty lighter that he may or may not have stolen from a classmate while he was at his dorm.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.”

The blonde just distracts himself from the pain by taking in a deep drag of his menthol cigarette, he keeps the smoke in his lungs for a bit before he tilts his head up to release it, getting a sense of relaxation from it. Unbeknownst to him that the med student was looking at him with displeasure, even more so as the smell of nicotine had entered his senses, but he ignores it since he wanted to make sure that his knees were properly cleaned up since it wouldn’t be pretty if he had acquired an infection on the area.

It didn’t take a lot since they were only minor scrapes and abrasions but at the same time, he was picking up the pace as he didn’t take kindly to the blonde beauty smoking. He was about to put on a fresh set of band-aids over the broken skin when he was stopped. 

“I don’t want your icky band-aids touching me!” 

The redhead rolls his eyes over how he sounded a little bratty but he ends up waiting, watching how he was digging through his bag and in his hands were a box of Rilakkuma band-aids, the ones that he had before and it made him let out a small laugh because they were the complete opposite of the person that was in front of him, the blonde was clad in black and the only thing he had of color was a red flannel shirt that was tied around his waist.

“Cute.” He mumbles and the blonde smiles, showing off his canines “I know right!” 

With that the med student had put the band-aids over his skin, patting the side of his leg to tell him that he’s all done “Oh great, thank you. Good as new, right?” He giggles to himself before pinching the cigarette in between his fingers, looking intently at his knees and the redhead could see how his cheeks somewhat grew, like that of bread rising. “Yeah, good as new,” He trails off, he doesn't really know what to call him and the blonde looks at him. 

“Yeosang, my name is Yeosang.”

“I’m Jongho, it’s nice to meet you.” 

Yeosang nods, thanking him once more before he fixes his stuff, making sure that he didn’t drop anything in the process of Jongho helping him “So, where are you headed?” Jongho asks, helping him stand up “I’m going to get a much needed fill of my coffee, how about you?” 

They both walk out of the classroom, Yeosang now raising the cigarette up to his lips so he could finish it before he heads to the café just outside the campus and it annoyed Jongho to an extent because it really wasn’t good for his health.

“Just to the library, studying for finals, you know the drill.” Yeosang nods, pointing out that he would be doing that too, after he has his fill of caffeine. It surely made Jongho chuckle and Yeosang thanks him one more time, spinning on his heels but as he was about to take a step forward, he feels his wrist getting wrapped around a warm hand and he was spun around once more, getting pulled back into Jongho close, perhaps a little too close for his liking but oddly enough, he didn’t mind.

“You really shouldn’t poison yourself with that shit, Blondie.” Jongho takes the cigarette away from his pretty pink lips, he pinches it between his middle and index finger, somehow not caring over how the scent would actually stick to his skin. 

He saw how the blonde’s eyes became doe-like, surprised at what he had done “Now, go on, get your coffee, Angel.” Jongho smiles, winking at him before he lets him go, patting the small of his back before they separated. 

But Yeosang stays in place, staring at Jongho as he puts out the cigarette before tossing it in the trash can. He was a little dumbfounded and amazed over how he had done such a thing, he was always so used to people being intimidated by his stoic demeanor, the dark clothes, how he’s a little sarcastic and blunt.

“What the fuck?” He mumbles because he was surprised over how Jongho did such a thing when no one would even dare to tell him off about his smoking habit in the campus nor would they even come close to Yeosang. But Yeosang’s eyes went wide when he realized that he had somewhat shared a part of himself after he was too engrossed in Jongho taking care of him and getting a good look at the Rilakkuma band-aids that Yeosang was so eager for him to use.

  
  


*****

Yeosang never heard from Jongho again after that, but everytime he looked at his scraped knees, he would remember him. Everyone seems to be in shambles as their final exams were approaching, Yeosang was equally stressed since he’d been buried in works and his head was about to explode from all the lectures that he had to retain over the pass 3 weeks, but he kept himself sane by telling himself that he only has to endure college for a little bit more since he was already graduating that year.

“How is my favorite computer science student?” Yeosang lifts his head up from his laptop at the sound of his best friend’s voice, he opens his mouth to greet him but he earns a hug from behind, as well as a kiss on his cheek. 

“Youngie, I’m the only computer science student you know, what are you even talking about?” Wooyoung gasps dramatically before pouting and letting go, occupying the empty chair next to him before someone could ask to borrow it as the study hall was getting more and more chaotic by the minute. Yeosang had scowled as one of the occupied tables were getting rather noisy and they weren’t even studying, merely gossiping. 

Wooyoung saw this and he knew that it would take a millisecond before Yeosang would do something about it and he really didn’t want his best friend to get antagonized once more even though he was in the right to tell them off. 

“Baby, look, I got you your favorite!” Wooyoung blurts out and he shakes a large cup of iced americano, with an extra 2 shots of espresso. It was as if Yeosang’s eyes lit up and it made Wooyoung let out a sigh of relief, laughing softly at how he’s so easily enticed by caffeine.

“I swear to God, your bloodstream is just coffee, your diet has been coffee and cigarettes.” Wooyoung scolds him as if he wasn’t the one to buy him the coffee “And you are feeding my addiction, so thank you.” Yeosang shakes the plastic cup happily before he punches the straw through the lid. 

“Babe, that’s only because you’re super cranky if you don’t have it.” Yeosang doesn’t say a word as he sips on the bitter drink, feeling his senses slowly getting awakened before he goes back to doing his work, while Wooyoung settles for his iced matcha latte and opens his textbooks.

They studied in silence, with Yeosang putting on his headphones so he could listen to some music while he typed away on his laptop and Wooyoung was also getting immersed into the topics that will be covered for their finals. With the semester ending and their graduation fast approaching, everyone was on the edge of their seats, not only because they were excited but there was also the dread of lacking in their grades that could possibly hold them back. 

Deadlines needed to be met, projects needed to be passed before they could take their exams. Finals were always the point of the school year where Yeosang would ask himself why he took up computer science and then Wooyoung would remind him that it’s because he read the Psycho-pass manga back when they were in their first year and it made him shift to a different course, switching from his Information Technology course which wasn’t all the different. 

His mind always goes haywire whenever he is met with stuff where he needs to do some coding, either for a software, for a website, and other computer related shit. But Wooyoung was always there to keep him grounded. 

They continued to study, minding their own business and sharing a snack that Wooyoung had bought along with him. The med student had bent down under the table to retrieve a fresh pack of highlighters from his bag when he noticed the several band-aids patching Yeosang’s knees, having worn his usual ripped jeans.

Wooyoung reaches forward, taking one side of his headphones off and asks “Sang, what happened?” Yeosang puffed his cheeks, asking what he meant by it “Did you suck someone off and got carpet burn? What’s with the band-aids?” Yeosang chokes, slapping him on the arm and telling him quietly that he would never get on his knees to suck someone off and Wooyoung rolls his eyes as he mumbles about how he’s such a pillow princess.

“Oh, I know all too well that you are.” Wooyoung says nonchalantly, raising his own cup up to drink his latte “I may or may not have scraped my knees in the playground while babysitting Chulsoo.” Yeosang mumbles shyly, hiding his cheeks as they went red from embarrassment and the story made Wooyoung burst out into laughter, almost sputtering out his drink at the thought of his best friend, a whole ass adult, tripping on his own two feet and getting hurt in children’s playground.

“Don’t laugh at me! Chulsoo was climbing up the slide and he slipped, Youngie, he was dangling from the ladder and I felt my soul leave my body.” Wooyoung just continues to laugh and Yeosang can’t help but pout because he’s always been seen as someone tough and scary due to the cuts and bruises he would always obtain and were the subject of rumors, but what they don’t know is that those were the result of his nephew being an hyperactive 3 year old whenever he babysits him on the weekends.

“I’m already getting a lot of shit from Hwa Hyung in regards to me picking up a smoking habit, I’m not going to let him beat my ass for getting his son injured under my watch,” Yeosang took a sip of his coffee before continuing.

“And don’t even let me get started on Hongjoong Hyung, that man is small but boy is he spicy.” Yeosang shivers at the memory of how Hongjoong was also on his ass since he was the one who caught Yeosang smoking in the balcony of his apartment. Hongjoong had decided to pay him a surprise visit, just to make sure he was still alive, as a result of him getting too caught up in one of his earlier projects on the start of their Senior year.

Yeosang will never forget how Hongjoong grabbed him by the ear as he berates him with questions about how he even picked up the habit or if he has been smoking when Chulsoo is with him. The younger man was quick to counter that he’s never done it whenever he’s with Chulsoo nor would he even do that. He just found it as a way to relieve the stress he’d been carrying over the heavy period of his course, claiming that he just smokes when the stress and anxiety is too overbearing. But of course, it got to his older brother and he earned himself another round of scoldings, it went through his ear and the other since the habit ended up continuing over the course of the next months.

“So, are you doing something after our exams?” Wooyoung asks since they had a whole 2-3 weeks of completing their requirements before their actual graduation and Yeosang already knew where the conversation is going to be headed, so he looks at him with a tired expression. “It’s always going to be a no, Youngie. You know that already.” The blonde tells him, as it’s been a recurring question every time a semester ends for them.

“Please, just this once, you won’t regret meeting him Yeo and you need some love in your life.” Wooyoung wiggles his brows and Yeosang lets out a rather dramatic sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“Woo, I know that this is coming from a place of you wanting me to be in a relationship but I really can’t swing one at the moment, sure, it’ll be nice to have someone who could be your other half but I really can’t.” 

Yeosang tries to get through him, he knows that Wooyoung was just looking out for him and he wants Yeosang to have someone who will love and support him but he doesn’t think that he has the ability to maintain a relationship, especially not someone who will be from their school because of the shit that has been said about him when in reality Yeosang is a whole ass baby.

He just happens to have a intimidating physical appearance and it’s a defense mechanism but he’s also a little fucked up and too emotional, so he doesn’t think that someone will be able to handle him. He was already anxious about what’s to come once he graduates, the thought of looking for a job and being independent looming over him was just making him insecure and scared.

“Just this once Yeo, if you don’t work out, I won’t try to set you up again and I’ll let you find love on your own terms. I promise!”

*****

And that is how Yeosang found himself sitting inside the usual café he visits, Wooyoung let him have free reins on where he should meet this person because it was the least he could do. 

He would look up at the door from time to time whenever someone came in, just to see if they were for him but a good 30 minutes had passed and no one had sat with him. Wooyoung didn’t really tell him who the person he will be meeting nor did he know his name, he just trusted Wooyoung a lot but he was getting antsy at the thought that perhaps he got stood up when the person realized that he was getting set up with him. 

Yeosang didn’t mind, he just looked down at the book he had brought with him so he could entertain himself and just enjoy his life at the moment because he was graduating soon, so he should relax for a bit before the real struggle of adulting starts.

He had his usual iced americano on the side, along with a half eaten slice of strawberry cheesecake, he just continues to read while tapping his fingers on the surface of the wooden table as he listens to the music being played in the café. He was kind enough to order the same thing for his date, he just wanted to be kind and it was a pretty safe choice and if he doesn’t show up, he could always eat the cheesecake and drink the coffee.

Although he was calm and collected on the outside, Yeosang couldn’t help but feel his heart thump with each passing second, it’s been so long since he’s been out on a date. The last one he went to was when he was a senior in high school but he doesn’t really count it as a proper date since it was more of a hangout, plus his date never spoke to him after that, so it was easy to say that it wasn’t the best.

Another 10 minutes passed and Yeosang was already eyeing the uneaten cheesecake in front of him as he took a bite out of his, he even pulls out his phone to text Wooyoung, just a playful threat that if the motherfucker doesn’t show up, he’s going to break his legs and he doesn’t care that they’ve been friends for 5 years. He was too engrossed in typing that he failed to see who had entered the café, “I assume that I’m meeting you, Angel.” 

Yeosang halts his actions before he locks his phone and as he looks up to give his attention to the person who just spoke, his eyes widen at the sight of the cherry-haired man.

“Oh, Jongho, I didn’t see you there.” Yeosang was about to stand up, just to be polite but Jongho tells him it’s okay and he occupies the seat across him, thanking Yeosang for the coffee “That’s for my- You’re my date, aren’t you?” Yeosang scoffs before letting out a smile and Jongho winks at him, letting out a refreshed sound after drinking the cold coffee “You are correct, you’re the person in the photo Woo sent so it’s safe to say that you’re the one I’m supposed to be with at the moment.”

Jongho takes out his phone, showing Yeosang the much needed receipts which was his conversation with Wooyoung, attached to those messages were one of Yeosang’s photos. “Well, I guess I don’t regret giving you a chance.” Yeosang smiles a bit but soon after a pout resonates.

“Why were you 40 minutes late? Didn’t you want to see me again?” He asks, oozing with cuteness that made Jongho chuckle because the boy right in front of him was literally in a whole rocker get-up but his face was so soft and adorable, and his pout, God, Jongho would just give him everything right there and then. 

“I deeply apologize for that, I got held up by a few friends who wanted to take photos, you know, as memories.” Jongho reaches forward, patting the top of his hand “I’m all yours today, okay?” He reassured and Yeosang felt like he was about to melt into a puddle and his response was to let out a nervous giggle before he raises his hand up to grab his carton from the pocket of his leather jacket. 

“What do you think you’re doing, Angel?” Jongho asks, raising a brow before leaning against the table. Yeosang’s lips formed into an “o” shape before he retracts his hand down and back to the table “I apologize, it’s become a response whenever I feel anxious.” He smiles apologetically and Jongho nods, understanding how addicting it could be. 

“Do you like doing it?” He asks curiously, feeding Yeosang his own slice of the dessert and the blonde was receptive of it, getting some of the filling on the corner of his lips and Jongho was quick to wipe them away with the pad of his thumb. “Smoking? Not really, I just got a little hit of it when I was really stressed and it has become my stress reliever over the year.” Yeosang shrugs, his craving getting suppressed by Jongho feeding him another bite of the sweet.

“Let’s take care of that, only if you let me.” Jongho smiles, he was so fucking charming and Yeosang felt like he was struck by Cupid’s arrow. That damned smile was what made Yeosang weak at the knees, making him for him at quite a rapid pace, ignoring all the walls that he had built for himself and abandoning the thought that he will be alone for all eternity.

**→** **Summer of 2015, Donggyo-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul**

Yeosang didn’t know how to handle a relationship and he made sure that Jongho knew that. He was fairly patient with Yeosang and the older of the couple was working upon meeting him halfway. 

After graduating, Yeosang was set on finding a job immediately but his older brother told him to take it easy for the meantime, he can’t just jump from one stressful setting to another and although Yeosang was persistent, Jongho also agreed with Seonghwa, they were both in the process of helping the blonde with his smoking habit and they knew that if he were to get a job, the stress and anxiety will just eat him alive. 

Yeosang was pouty for the most part after that talk but Jongho cheered him up with kisses, they weren’t boyfriends per say but Jongho was very affectionate with him and so was Yeosang. In the end, Seonghwa compromised that he could babysit Chulsoo for a whole year and he will actually pay him daily. 

Yeosang wasn’t keen on it as they were brothers but Hongjoong also jumps in, telling Yeosang that it’s a good arrangement, they knew how hyperactive their son is and they really should be paying Yeosang for looking after him, since most of the nannies they had quit due to him being a handful but Yeosang was somewhat the only one who could keep him calm.

Jongho was also basking in the free time he got to have after college, but on some days of the week, he had to attend a review since he still had to obtain a license for him to be a full-on nurse, along with Wooyoung. And sometimes all three of them would be together, well, 4. Jongho would be studying with Wooyoung in the public library and Yeosang would be with them too, but he would be with Chulsoo in the children’s section of the place, either teaching him to read easy books or to teach him new words too. 

It was the last weekend before Jongho and Wooyoung were to take their exams, it was fairly nerve-wracking for Jongho since he wanted to just get one shot at it so he could start applying for jobs in the hospitals that were nearby. 

“Baby, you need to be more careful.” Jongho says as he had Yeosang’s leg on top of his own as he takes care of the new wound he had acquired after he had chased after Chulsoo almost got hit by the soccer ball after one of the kids he’d been playing with kicked it rather hard but he apologized afterwards and Yeosang wasn’t one to get mad at children since they were just playing. 

The blonde had skidded his knee in the process but at least his nephew was safe. “I can’t let my baby get hurt now can I?” Yeosang says, looking up to make sure his nephew was just in the sandbox. He hissed as Jongho cleans the area around it, mumbling apologies in doing so because he doesn’t like it whenever Yeosang was in pain, sure he would laugh at first, but he would always help him. 

It had been a good 3 months ever since they graduated, in turn 3 months since Yeosang has been working on breaking his smoking habit but sometimes he still craves for his menthol cigarettes, even more so since he was in the process of moving apartments, well, he and Jongho were in the process of moving in together. 

They weren’t boyfriends but they agreed to move in together for financial purposes, plus Seonghwa lived close by and he was set on helping Yeosang get in the company he was working in once he’s ready and the hospital Jongho was going to apply to was also close by, so it’s a win-win situation.

Jongho noticed how Yeosang was getting antsy and he knew that he was looking for a cigarette so he could distract himself from the pain he was feeling “Baby, here.” Jongho whistles at him to grab his attention and he leans forward to give him a peck on his lips before tapping on his bottom lip so he could give him a lollipop. “Thank you Baby.” Yeosang smiled bashfully, taking the hard candy out of his mouth for a moment to give him a kiss on the cheek and Jongho would continue tending to his new scrape.

“Now, this wouldn’t really happen if it weren’t for you introducing him to sports.” Yeosang whines, holding Jongho’s hand after he had cleaned him up “I’m sorry but your soon-to-be boyfriend is an ace.” He boasts, pulling Yeosang close so his back is flushed against his chest and he kisses his cheek while holding him from behind.

“Why didn’t you pursue it though?” Yeosang asks curiously, he recently just found out about it and they didn’t really get a chance to talk about it “Hm, I had a nasty injury to my knee in my junior year of highschool and I couldn’t play soccer after that.” Jongho wasn’t affected by it anymore and he just squeezes Yeosang when he could tell that he was going to ask about it.

“I’m okay now though, the sport was just some sort of pass time in high school but I was somewhat good at it and the accident happened during a game but I’m very much okay.” Jongho assures him, squeezing his cheeks and Yeosang sat up properly so he could look at him.

They watched as the day went by, Jongho just held Yeosang for the entire time, sharing some snacks here and there. Jongho opted to take care of Chulsoo since Yeosang was injured and the blonde was thankful for him. 

Jongho had managed to make the 3 year old nap in his stroller and they were able to have some peace. The children were beginning to grow scarce as it was time to go home but Jongho and Yeosang stayed for a while.

“You know, I would love to have this kind of life in the future.” Jongho shares, stroking Yeosang’s hair delicately and the blonde looks up at him, asking what he had meant, “Hm, I just see this kind of life for me, how about you Angel?” He asks softly, holding his hand and bringing it up to his lips, kissing his knuckles. 

“I don’t think I’m fit for it, I’m quite a mess.” Jongho raised his brow as he hoists him up even higher, burying his face into his neck “Don’t say that, you’re not a mess Angel, a little bit fucked up and neurotic but I like you that way.” Yeosang lets out a whine, telling him that he’s surely working on it and Jongho nods, telling him to take baby steps.

“Don’t worry Angel, I see a future with you.” The blonde chuckles as he holds it against him, also pointing out that they weren’t even boyfriends yet “And soon we will be, once you’re ready. And I promise that I will put a ring on your finger once we grow up and we are ready.”

*****

Yeosang let out a huff as soon as he was able to put down the last box in their new apartment in Donggyo-dong, it was already summer so the heat was quite unbearable and he’s just happy that they’ve finally finished taking all the boxes and furniture up. 

The only thing left to do was to unpack but he surely didn’t want to think about that at the moment and neither does Jongho. The couple were just on the mattress of what is supposed to be for their bed but they were too lazy to set it up at the moment and Jongho just wanted to stay close to his lover, he had his arm around his waist as he kisses the nape of his neck, making the blonde laugh softly over how it had tickled. 

Jongho was a little anxious over the results of his exams but being with Yeosang calmed him down, even though the blonde was also a mess, perhaps they complimented each other. Yeosang had ro lled onto his side, facing Jongho and he nibbled on his bottom lip as the golden hours of the sun filtered through the wide windows and it made Jongho’s skin glow like honey. 

Yeosang was scared to admit that he’s fallen for Jongho for a long time already, he was scared that he might fuck up along the way, in regards to his emotions or whatever factor but with the way Jongho had stuck to him, even in his times of hardship and stress over the result of his dream career. 

He felt so safe and secure with him, perhaps even thinking about how Jongho wanted to start a family with him, a mess such as Park Yeosang being married and having kids was something he doesn’t see himself in but Jongho made him change his perspective, that he still has a lot of growing up to do and the person he is that year won’t be the same person in the next 10 years or so.

Yeosang doesn’t say another word but rather he just kisses Jongho, lips locking quite expertly if he may add and he could feel Jongho’s bruising grip on his waist before he pulls him up to his thighs, letting the smaller man straddle him but the kiss is unbroken. 

Jongho was so lost in the sensation, it was more than the normal kisses he shared with Yeosang because he wanted to wait until he was comfortable and perhaps it’s that day. They didn’t have a label in regards to what they were but Jongho didn’t mind since they were both adults, but what he doesn’t know is that Yeosang’s mind was running on something other than pleasure, he wanted to voice out that he loves Jongho.

Yeosang had licked inside his mouth, getting more and more hungry for him and he could still taste the americano that they both shared prior to them lying in the bed and he brings his hand up to cup his cheek, fingers pressing against the soft spot as he starts to move his hips.

“What’s with you today, hm?” Jongho smiles, pulling away from Yeosang who whimpered and chased for his lips “I just feel happy, Baby, I’m happy that I get to be here with you.” He admits and Jongho coos, tracing his lips with the pad of his thumb as he stared at him, he was shining under the golden sun, his light brown eyes becoming more prominent and resembling that of honey. 

He absolutely adored Yeosang, the insides were different from the outsides. The exterior was someone tough and intimidating but the interior was vastly different and Jongho loved that so much about him.

Yeosang had buried his face down into Jongho’s neck, biting and sucking on the skin as he marked him, he’d always wanted to do that and judging from how Jongho doesn’t stop him, he wanted it too. Yeosang held onto him as if his life depended on it and Jongho couldn’t help but slide his hands down to the front of his shirt and unbuttoning it, sliding the fabric off his body and placing a line of kisses on his shoulders.

“Jongho.” 

The younger hums, not breaking away from his warm skin even though Yeosang did, it was now or never. He knew that Jongho wouldn’t leave him if he were to tell him how he feels, there was already so much love shared between them, albeit they never said it to each other but through their actions. 

Jongho was so beautiful and Yeosang couldn’t believe that he was lucky enough to have found a person like him, he doesn’t regret giving the date set up by his best friend a chance because it lead him to the very person who was brave enough to not only talk to him, but also help him.

“Baby, I love you.”

He feels him freeze and it somewhat made Yeosang’s heart stutter as Jongho sits up straight, tucking a stray piece of his blonde hair behind his ear and lacing their hands together.

“You love me?”

Yeosang shyly nods before hiding his flushed face back in the crook of his neck “Would you like to be boyfriends then, Angel?” Jongho whispers, unable to contain his smile because he was feeling euphoric over how Yeosang was able to confess to him.

“I would love that, I would love that so much, Baby.”

  
**→** **Fall of 2018, Donggyo-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul**

As three years passed, Jongho and Yeosang were living quite comfortably in their apartment. Everything was pretty much the same but what changed is that they added more and more memories that will be stored in the walls of their home. 

Yeosang was able to secure a job as a software engineer in the same digital consulting agency as his older brother and Jongho immediately got a job at a nearby hospital, granted it wasn’t the one where Wooyoung worked at but they were still able to see each other from time to time, mostly on the bus whenever they have to come home. 

It was quite hard for them to spend time with each other because of their schedules but they didn’t mind, they always had the weekends that were dedicated to each other, whether it was watching movies together at home, cooking together and learning new recipes, at times they would also have Chulsoo in their home and Jongho would always joke about how parenthood looked good on Yeosang and the brunette would always just smile. 

Jongho saw how Yeosang had started to shed his persona and he began to be who he is, all the black clothes he owned were somewhat untouched in their closet and he always opted to go for soft and earthy tones when it comes to his clothes, even his personality changed but it was expected since it was as if he had grown out of his angsty phase of life. 

Jongho would always get surprised whenever Yeosang would come by the hospital, whether it was for lunch or dropping off dinner for him when he had to work night shifts. Jongho would always get comments over how sweet his boyfriend is and Yeosang would blush over it, at times getting hit on by his fellow colleagues but they would back off whenever it was told that he is Jongho’s boyfriend. 

It was one of those nights where Jongho’s schedules had been shifted, starting work at 2 in the afternoon and coming home at 10 in the evening but he had to work overtime since no one was there to cover for their fellow nurse who couldn’t come in and so he had to wait a good 2 hours before the next person would clock in. 

He just wanted to get off his feet but he still took the time to shower, being quiet since he didn’t want to wake up his boyfriend who should be sleeping since he had work at 8 in the morning. He gets inside their bedroom and finds the bed empty, the sheets were strewn all over the place as a result of someone being there but Jongo doesn’t worry. 

He goes over to the balcony that was also attached to their bedroom and there he finds his boyfriend, he had probably woken up in the middle of the night and it looks as if he was lamenting, a cup of tea was on the metal table they had but it seemed to have been finished. 

Jongho just smiles softly as he slides the door further open and he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, he nuzzles his face into his neck.

“What are you up to, Angel?” He asks in a whisper and Yeosang lets out a sigh, spinning around to give him a kiss on his lips, as if to welcome him home “I woke up and you weren’t in bed yet, it’s past midnight already.” He pouts, wrapping his arms around his torso and Jongho rests his on the curve of his back, sliding his warm hand under the shirt he was wearing. 

“I’m sorry, I had to cover for someone, did I worry you?” Jongho would pull him away, cupping his face and Yeosang nods, his eyes showing helplessness. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t even call you since my phone was in my locker but at the same time, I didn’t want to wake you up.” Yeosang just hums and buries his face back in his neck, giving him butterfly kisses as he mumbles about how warm he is even though the autumn air was chilly. 

“Let’s get you to bed and tomorrow, I’m all yours.” This excites Yeosang because he didn’t even realize that it was the weekend, having been too busy with the internal meetings all week long that he’s lost track of the days.

Yeosang was about to lead Jongho back to their room when the younger had literally swept him off his feet and in response, Yeosang wraps his hands around his neck “I think you couldn’t sleep because your heater wasn’t home.” Jongho jokes, giving him a kiss on the forehead “You could say that.” The brunette agrees playfully, giggling when Jongho feigns hurt as he claims that Yeosang was only using him for warmth. 

“I don’t mind though Angel, use me all you want, I promise that I will always be here to keep you warm on the coldest of nights.”

The next morning, Jongho was the first to wake up, Yeosang was still dead asleep but he was to blame for that. They might have shared a few kisses here and there that night but it got way too heated, which resulted in Yeosang getting drilled into their bed, begging and screaming for him to go harder and Jongho delivering for his dear boyfriend. Hence why the brunette was still lying beautifully in their mess of a bed, tangled in the sheets.

“Morning Angel,” Jongho whispers, pressing a kiss on to his temple before he gets up, wearing the closest pair of sweatpants he could get his hands on and exiting the room.

He fills their coffee machine with the coffee grounds that Yeosang preferred, getting out whatever he can pull out from their fridge to make a simple yet filling breakfast for both of them before they could decide what they could do on their day off. 

Jongho got a glimpse of his back on the mirror in their living room and saw how Yeosang scratched his skin so much and he didn’t even realize it because he was so drunk off his love. He just smirks over how he still had the same effect on him and he finishes up on their food, setting up their small table before he goes back to their room and he finds that Yeosang was already awake.

“Hey Angel, did you sleep well?” Jongho sits down on the bed, causing it to dip and Yeosang lets out a moan as he stretches out like a cat “I made you breakfast, why don’t you get up.” Jongho challenges, knowing that his boyfriend is most likely very sore “Help me please.” The petite man says, a pout already painted on his lips even though his eyes were half closed.

“Would you like for me to run you a bath first?” He nods, rubbing his exposed hip bones that had bruises in the shape of Jongho’s fingers. Jongho just hums before he went over to his side of the bed and he picks him up, much like a bride and he carries him over to their bathroom, sitting him down on the edge of the tub as he turns the tap on, making sure the water was in the right temperature so that Yeosang’s muscles can relax.

But of course, Yeosang couldn’t hold himself back and he splashed Jongho while he was in the tub, Jongho didn’t take too kindly to this as he glared at him playfully. The warm breakfast that Jongho had cooked grew cold but the bathroom surely got steamy. 

Needless to say, Yeosang and Jongho ended up staying at home together, snuggled under a large blanket, sharing a bowl of popcorn as they watched a series on their television since Yeosang surely couldn't walk straight after all the events that happened.

But over the course of the day, Yeosang had opted that they should go out and enjoy the crisp autumn air. Jongho had let out a groan since he wanted to spend it in their apartment but at the same time he was letting Yeosang lead him down their usual spot in the forest park. It overlooked the pond that had a bunch of fishes, sometimes Yeosang would even find tadpoles and little frogs that Jongho does not appreciate whenever he takes them in his hands. 

“Was I not hard enough on you in the bathtub earlier for you to be this chipper?” Jongho comments as his boyfriend skips along the path to their spot, Yeosang just looks back at him with a smile as he carried the picnic basket he prepared “I have a very good boyfriend, who’s also very good when it comes to the aftercare.” He winks at the younger man before telling him to pick up the pace. 

The spot has always been their little haven, it was tucked away from the many people who were also walking around the park. It’s where Jongho knows Yeosang is whenever he comes home and he isn’t there, he knows about it since Yeosang claimed that it was his place to charge up whenever his social battery becomes drained. 

Over the course of their relationship, it became Jongho’s too, since his job was always so demanding, not only with his physical health but emotionally as well. 

Especially when there’s a case that had a tragic outcome, he couldn’t really bring that burden home since he knew that Yeosang had fragile emotions and so, he would let it all out in the park. 

Upon sitting down, Yeosang was quick to munch on the fruit sandwiches that he managed to whip up, getting some of the cream on the corner of his lips, a messy habit he has yet to grow out of but Jongho was always there to clean him up and perhaps kiss it away if he wants a taste.

“You know, I love being here with you.” Yeosang says, using Jongho’s thighs as his pillow while he looks up at the bright sky above them “Oh really?” Jongho muses, tracing his nose bridge and all the way down to his lips “I do, I really do. I know it’s a place for us whenever we need space but I appreciate it even more when we’re here together.” Yeosang slowly closes his eyes and he is unaware of Jongho’s gummy smile towards him as he traces his pink lips.

“Since you said that, how about we make it more special.” Yeosang opens one eye as he reaches up to pinch his boyfriend’s cheek “Baby, I’m not having sex with you here.” Jongho chokes on the blueberry milk he was drinking as he flicks Yeosang’s forehead “That is literally not what I meant!”

“Then what do you mean by it, Baby?” Yeosang giggles, now sitting up and looking directly at Jongho’s dark brown eyes “What if we got married here?” The brunette was a little taken aback by it but he leans forward.

“I really don’t think that we should, you know how I’m not a big fan of doing intimate things in this public space.” Jongho just hums before he takes his boyfriend back in his arms, with the older’s back flushed against his torso and arms wrapped around his waist. 

“I know, how about a nice private garden, over the summer, where the flowers will be in bloom and the butterflies could surround us.”

**→** **Winter of 2020, Donggyo-dong, Mapo-gu, Seoul**

New Years’ Eve was always supposed to be celebrated with nothing but happiness, it was a turning point to another chapter of one’s life. 

Another year to better one’s self and perhaps achieve the goals that had been set. 

It wasn’t supposed to be spent with bitterness and being angry at one another with the smallest of reasons since there was a saying that whatever you are doing on New Year will keep recurring over the year. 

It was the first time in their 5, almost 6 year relationship that the fight he had with Jongho was rather intense. 

The combined stress, the lack of communication and exhaustion making its way towards their strained relationship. With Jongho having a hard time adjusting to his new position in a new hospital, working grueling and heavy hours into the night and coming home to Yeosang who was equally stressed as he had just been promoted but the weight of his being far too heavy for him and thus affecting his emotions and mental state because of how underwhelmed he is. 

Jongho felt as if he couldn’t share anything with his boyfriend because it always turns into an argument, he would either come home to a stressed out Yeosang or passed out on their bed with his back against him, sometimes Jongho even has to check if he was alive as he had a habit of being so into his work that he forgets to take care of himself. 

He feels as if he didn’t have anyone he could share his feelings to, he didn’t have an outlet in which he can vent out all the problems that he’s facing, he had Wooyoung but it was different if he was able to talk to his boyfriend.

And thus begins the rocky road part of their relationship.

“Jongho, I seriously don’t want to go.” Yeosang mutters out, concealing the anger in his voice as he stays in their bed, bunched under the thick blankets while Jongho gets ready “Yeo, come on, it’s New Year’s Eve and Wooyoung is expecting us to come over, like we always do, you know.” 

He was beginning to see the brat jump out of Yeosang and it wouldn’t be long before he threw a tantrum over how he just wants to stay home, it has been a frequent thing as of late, mainly at the start of his holiday break, Jongho inviting Yeosang to do something, even if it’s just at their place but Yeosang would just let out a frustrated groan and it becomes an argument. 

Jongho wasn’t having any of it and he let out a sigh before sitting down on the bed, trying to take a peek at his boyfriend, he didn’t want to start another argument between them and he just put on a more gentle expression.

“Hey Angel,” He smiles softly while the older of the two pouted “Can’t we just stay home, pretty please?” Yeosang pleads, Jongho wanted to say yes because he could never resist those eyes but he couldn’t give in just because his boyfriend wasn’t feeling it. 

Wooyoung had been so excited for them to come to his small party since it would be the only night where they could really let loose and Jongho was hoping that Yeosang would be able to talk to his best friend, as a way to share his feelings because he has no idea what has been up with the brunette nor has Yeosang been talking to literally anyone, not even his brother when he called in during Christmas.

“I don’t want to.” Yeosang squeaks, trying to cover himself with the blanket once more but Jongho tugs on it hard, almost throwing it to the ground and Yeosang lets out a gasp because he truly wasn’t feeling like getting up, he hasn’t been up for it ever since the days prior. He was feeling too numb, too drained and he was beginning to question his very being, his purpose and what his future would even be.

“Angel, you’ve been in this bed since Christmas and I would very much like to spend the night with my boyfriend.” The brunette lets out a groan, burying his face into the pillow so he wouldn’t have to look at Jongho “Then let’s just spend it here, what’s the-” 

“Park Yeosang, I’ve been trying to do that with you for the past few days, either you get up or I am carrying you all the way to Woo’s apartment.”

Yeosang just puts on a scowl before glaring at his boyfriend as he gets up, throwing the pillow he was clutching on back to the bed and he trudges towards their closet, not even bothering to choose as he puts on a white hoodie, a pair of thick sweatpants and burying his his unwashed hair under a red beanie.

“Let’s go then.”

Parties have never been Yeosang’s scene nor was it Jongho’s, unless it’s just a small house party. Yeosang didn’t even talk to Wooyoung when they got to his apartment, merely giving him a hug and disappearing into the balcony with a drink in hand. Jongho just let out a sigh as he apologized for his sudden behavior, he also didn’t know what had been up with him nor did he talk to him about it so it was a struggle to understand why he has a sudden attitude.

“Did he not tell you what’s been going on with him?” Wooyoung asks, taking Jongho to a corner of the somehow packed living room. The younger nurse just shakes his head before raising the red solo cup up to his lips, getting a large gulp of the mixed alcoholic drink in it. 

“You really should talk to him; you know how he is with his emotions.” Wooyoung tries but he has concluded that he has been trying but all Yeosang does is brush him off and tell him that it’s nothing when there is in fact something wrong.

After a few more persuasions, Jongho lets out an exasperated sigh and he goes to where Yeosang was. He finds him tucked in a metal chair outside, he has his legs up to his chest as he warms himself up, the red solo cup is in between his teeth by the rim as if he cannot be bothered to hold it, he was surely reminded of how Yeosang would always just let the cigarette hang in his lips while he was working on something on his computer, but those days were long gone but he still had the skill to do it.

“How are you holding up?” Yeosang just shoots him a glare as he looks up, his eyes were showing signs of physical exhaustion but they were still sharp, signifying that he was fired up. 

“I fucking hate it here, can we go home already?” He sneers, there was even some disgust in his tone which was a little rare. The brunette tilts his head up, letting the alcohol slide down his throat, burning it even more, he was a borderline lightweight and his tolerance really depends on what the alcohol was and this time, only 2 and a half cups in, he was starting to feel the effects, hence why the snarky attitude towards his boyfriend.

“Sang, I think we need to talk.” Jongho starts, sitting next to him “About what?” Yeosang drawls, finishing the entirety of his drink and letting out a hiss over how that one in particular hurt and he could even feel how it stung his chest and stomach.

“What’s wrong, what’s going on with you?” 

He got straight to the point, not really caring over how mad he really sounded because he just wanted to get on the bottom of things with him. “I don’t know, maybe because my boyfriend dragged me to a bullshit party even though I wanted to just stay at home.” 

Oh Yeosang was definitely getting irritable, a mixture of the alcohol and his already brewing annoyance “Oh my God, is that all you’re mad about, you sound like a real brat right now, you know that?” Jongho scoffs right after his sentence and Yeosang throws his already empty cup aside, standing up from the chair and causing it to screech on the floor of the balcony. 

“You’re calling me a brat when I’ve done nothing to you, you were the one who dragged me out here and you’re complaining about it.” His fists were balled, his nails digging into the palm of his hand as the anger flowed through his veins and Jongho was doing his best to hold himself back because he did not want to do anything that he would regret later on.

“That’s not the issue here Yeosang, you’ve been like this for the past few days and you’re not telling me, I would love to have a boyfriend who I could talk to without it turning into a screaming match.” Jongho corners him because it seems as if his boyfriend was about to run away from their problem again but he stood his ground, he wanted to put an end to whatever misunderstanding they have.

“Well, shit, I would like to have a boyfriend who comes home, doesn’t stand me up on dates and whatever shit we do.” Yeosang tries to push him but his limbs were numb from the alcohol and he almost falls but Jongho was there to catch him.

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed you clinging to Wooyoung like a lost pup, is that why you barely come home?” He accuses and this took Jongho aback because he never expected that to come out of Yeosang’s mouth, he was about to blow up on him and tell him that he’s only with Wooyoung because as of late, he was the only one keeping him grounded because his own boyfriend was too much of a mess to talk nor get up from bed.

“What the fuck Yeosang? I’m hurting too, do you have any fucking clue how tired I am from work, how every night, I want nothing more than to come home to you on times where you’re awake?” Yeosang just looks down at the ground, feeling a tad nauseous and the only leverage he had at the moment was his boyfriend but he didn’t want his hands on him at that time.

“I’m going home, I’m not doing this here and not while I’m drunk because I don’t think I will be able to control my tongue if this persists.”

With that, Yeosang jerks his arms away from his boyfriend, pushing past him and past the small crowd of people in the living room. He doesn’t even spare Wooyoung a mere glance as he walks out of his door and into the hallways of the apartment complex. 

He tried his best to walk straight, as if he was trying to prove something to literally no one. Yeosang was in too much pain to even comprehend what had happened, his eyes were becoming more and more blurry with every step he took on the sidewalk of the street. His stomach was churning from how his head was spinning but he kept going, it was as if his pride was the thing keeping him going. 

He lets out a scream when a car has sped past him, almost side-sweeping him in the process and he lets out a string of drunken profanities at the driver.

Yeosang crashes into the floor of their apartment once he manages to unlock the front door, dragging himself into the kitchen while stumbling on some of the clutter that was around him, but he makes sure that he doesn’t break anything since the last thing he wants to do is clean up the place while being drunk and upset. 

He turns the tap on, he splashes his face with cold water so he can sober up, i t somehow helped and he went over to their couch, tilting his head up because he really did not want to vomit anywhere in the house. He closed his eyes for a bit and even then, the room was spinning and he could feel something warm drip down the corner of his eyes, he didn’t even realize that he had silently cried, too numb to feel the tightening of his throat.

“Shit, fuck, Jongho.” He mutters as he hurriedly gets out his phone, calling for his best friend to take care of his boyfriend and to tell him that he’s awfully sorry for what happened, Wooyoung was understanding as he knew what they were going through, reminding him that it’s how he and San broke up eventually after only a few months but Wooyoung assures him that everything will be okay and that what they’re going through was just a challenge in their life.

They will get through it as they have over the last 5, almost 6 years together.

While Yeosang was filled with both worry and relief, worried because he left his boyfriend in a party and relieved because he thinks that perhaps after what they’ve said to each other that night could be the opening of the gates for him to be able to tell his boyfriend what his thoughts have been and perhaps apologize for only thinking about himself.

As the night progressed, Yeosang had curled up into their couch, as if he was a kitten and he planned to wait for his boyfriend to come home that night or even in the wee hours of the morning, what’s important to him is that he comes home.

But what Yeosang doesn’t know is that Jongho had vented out the frustration he was feeling on Wooyoung after a shit ton of drinks that he downed as he ranted angrily about Yeosang. But it wasn’t through them speaking about it, rather under the covers, warming up the cold bed with their hot bodies flush against each other, lips tangled against each others, moans and pleasured whimpers bouncing against the walls of the room and hot breaths fogging up the mirror that hangs over Wooyoung’s bed.

Yeosang was hopeful, waiting for his boyfriend to come home so they could settle things out and Jongho was so full of regret when he sobered up, realizing what he had done in the heat of the moment.


End file.
